swimming the moat

darling friends,


"you need to swim the moat if you want to get to the castle."

I love movie previews.  There's a sense of anticipation of the future in watching them.  When I went to see Eclipse I saw the trailer for a movie that I'm sure will touch me.  Eat Pray Love, which not surprisingly was a  book before it was a major motion picture, is come to theaters in August.  I can't wait for it to come out.  While I think it preaches elements of Buddhism, the message in general, is beautiful.  I'm buying the book today!

The premise of the story is a woman lost, missing from her own life who finds herself through food, prayer, and love.  She travels to Italy, India, and ends her year in Bali, in a journey to the center of her life, to discovering who she really is--what is in the core of her soul.  How beautiful.  

       

                                       

                            r i s k    e v e r y t h i n g 

                                         and

                            l e t      y o u r s e l f     g o

 E   A   T

*have a relationship with your food.  Today, for lunch, I had my favorite guacamole, lime chips, and a tuna sandwich + peach!! It was physically filling.  And, I'm baking cookies later to bring with me to Long Island tomorrow =)

P  R  A  Y

*"If you could clear out all the space in your mind you know what the universe would do?  Rush in!"  Today, I prayed for trust.  It was spiritually filling.

The author of Eat Pray Love explained that you "need to find a tiny little corner of your life where you can begin to ask yourself those burning essential questions of your life.  Who am I?  Where am I going?  What am I here for?"  

L  O  V  E

*I snuggled with my dogs this morning for an extra half hour in bed.  It filled my heart.

"You don't need a man, baby, you need a champion."

      
I am  s t r o n g e r !

my   h  o  p  e

my   f  a  i  t  h

my   t  r  u  t  h

my   c  o  u  r  a  g  e

this is going to be a good life.  I promise.

Love Always,

a reservation

My Friends,


I watched Sense and Sensibility last night with mom.  It's not my favorite of the Austen stories, but I haven't seen it in a long time.  As a young girl, when I first discovered Jane, I remember not caring for this story--probably because, as I was reminded last night, it's not very exciting.  But, in my journey of self-discovery Jane's characters hit home.

I find that I relate to many of Jane Austen's characters especially Emma, but Marianne Dashwood and I are kindred spirits.  She is an open book, just like me.  It's a struggle for me not to share everything with anyone.  Her sister, Eleanor warns her about her inability to suppress her emotions.  She lays it all out there too quickly, allowing vulnerability to seep in at it's maximum. Oh, Marianne! you and me, we are very much the same.    


I do not possess the talent of leaving people wanting.   Apparently, it is better to be reserved, not give yourself away emotionally, leave people wondering about you.  Is it wrong that I don't?  I question whether or not I should try to be one of these people, but it is not who I really am.   Shouldn't I really just be myself?

I've concluded, while coming back to revisit this post before sending it out into blogland, that I'm frankly exhausted of trying, of being a chameleon, which is GREAT for my outgoing personality.  I can get along with just about anyone.  But, it's a problem because I think I've lost myself in all of the changing.  I mean, I know who I am, and deep down I haven't lost that, but I'm so tired of trying to be what I think everyone else wants me to be--or who I should be with, when I should be with him--or how I should act, where I should be in life at my age, how old I am vs how old I act, how invested I get in circumstances, what I do with my free time etc etc etc. So, I'm done.  I'm just done, and I'm just me.


Love Always,

to love is to burn

My dear friends,

Jane Austen really had it right.  She understood something that women in today's society just don't get--we aren't courageous, or don't have the self-confidence to truly comprehend our own hearts.  Jane lived in a world where women were dependent on men, and marrying well to ensure economic and social stability.  Marriages commonly took place not out of love, but convenience.  Yet, Jane Austen wrote stories about beautiful women who weren't afraid to hold out for true love... women who didn't succumb to societal expectations of marriage.  


"Can the soul really be satisfied with such polite affections?  To love is to burn--to be on fire." ~S&S


I love this line because when my sister got married, I described the way it felt to be around her and her husband like being close to a bonfire.  You could feel the rightness of it and the love like being close to raging flames.  I know couples where it's like standing next to a candle--there is fire, which you would assume creates warmth, but in such small quantities does not.

But, did you know Jane Austen herself never married?


I wonder if she wanted to, or if she just held out too long, or if maybe the kind of love she writes does not exist, except only in the quiet, deep chambers of our hearts.  I have wondered this myself before, though I do often conclude that it does exist.  It's kind of like believing in anything that is not tangible.  Like believing in Santa Clause or the Tooth Fairy--you want to, but... you grow up.


I am determined to not give into such pessimism.  


Love Always, 

Imprint on Me

My Darling Friends,

I saw the movie Eclipse today, for the second time, with Sarah and Rachael.  I loved these books.   Stephenie Meyer's overwhelming ability to suck me into her novels and leave me completely invested in each character was amazing!  I am an avid reader, but nothing in my life could've prepared me for the all consuming nature of these books.  While reading the stories I was totally and completely in love with Edward Cullen I mean, aside from my sister, who wasn't?!? He is intense, sexy, deep, adventurous.... but, upon closer examination controlling, old school, a little creepy, and let's face it really not so adventurous.   Jacob is a like a real guy, and I was graciously converted to a Jacob supporter after the rose colored buzz from the books wore off.  Tall, dark, and handsome, YES PLEASE!!!  Jacob says to Bella during Eclipse, "It would be as easy as breathing with me."  Wouldn't it be lovely if that were true in real life?  Wouldn't it be amazing if love were that easy, as easy as breathing--involuntary, wonderful, vital...  Yes.  

Rachael was "Team Jacob" all along, and explained to me that I do this in real life too... I pick the wrong guys and then take a step back and upon a less rosy examination realize too devastatingly late that it was all wrong.  Do I?  Do I allow myself to be vampired in my relationships?  I suppose I do, since I clearly have yet to have a successful one.  Or maybe it's that I want to be consumed, and end up losing myself in the process.  I think a part of me wants to be lost in the romance of it all, I want to be swept up off my feet--even if it breaks my legs.  I want to be kissed passionately in a complete and utter downpour.   But, perhaps all it really is... all it can be summed up to being is that I'm just a big dreamer.  Likely, the latter.  Nevertheless, I believe in love.  I believe in the kind of love Jacob has for Bella--the unconditional--REAL--kind of love... and I'm holding out for it.  I think my sister's wedding helped me see this too...her effervescent joy at marrying her husband was the most amazing thing I've ever witnessed in real life. I'd rather be alone for eternity, than with someone who does not make me incandescently happy...so, yes, make it as easy as breathing.  No games.

Love Always,