a lot of hot air

Dearest friends,


The alarm goes off, the sky is midnight blue the sun waiting to kiss the horizon.  Your little bitty heart beats with anticipation.  After all, you had to get up this early.  


When I was younger my family used to go to the balloon festival about an hour north of my hometown.  I haven't been in years, but it used to be one of my favorite fall activities--and one of the most exciting "getting up early" mornings!  


Yesterday, I saw about twenty hot air balloons rise into the evening sky!  They were absolutely spectacular!!  The group of people I was with were pretty awesome too!  Being ever so dangerous sitting on the railing of the road we pointed, oooo'd and awwww'd, and laughed hysterically at the character balloons--my favorite was the tuxedo one!  This reminds me that with effort, and some hot air, our dreams take flight!




Love Always,

cloths, albums, and bing

Darling friends,

While I was home during the week my mom exercised her amazing sewing talent.  Ever since I was a little girl I remember my mother's sewing machine as a sound of comfort.  After she had put us kiddies to bed, she would sew bibs for her business--and I would fall asleep listening to the sound of her ambition.

 

 Mom bought a bunch of flour cloths (I think that's what they're called), and some really adorable cupcake fabric to sew a little applique.  I watched as she carefully ironed each piece of fabric, sewed it to the cloth, and delicately added pretty bows to the folded center of each.

Last night, I got the pictures I ordered from Rachael's wedding in the mail.  I purchased a 200 photo album a week or so ago for these photos.  Before beginning my day today, I organized the pictures and then put them into the album.  I actually ran out of space--I couldn't include the "after-party," but perhpas it is better that those pictures are left out 

Today, I am back visiting my cousin Sarah at her medical town =).  We always have so much fun.  This was a very spontaneous visit, in which I decided to leave upon receiving an early morning text message from her asking to visit.  Here I am!! We had a delicious fish dinner, prepared by Sarah.  This was her first time making fish by herself--I told her as long as we didn't die, I'm sure it would be delicious--and it was, and we're still here haha!  

Time to go walk to Friendly's for ice cream.  We have a big day planned tomorrow!  Stay tuned.

                              Love Always,

distant, but close at heart

Dear friends,

I traveled to my family the past few days mostly because my dad's cousin, Andrew was in town visiting all the way from England.  I don't ever remember meeting him before, so this was an extra special visit.  He also brought his wife, Debbie and their two children, Isabella and Max--who were absolutely the cutest things ever and their darling little English accents were so cute! 

Having distant relatives is bittersweet.  You of course, want then to be closer, but are fascinated by everything at the same time--the journey, the place they live, the currency, the government, the way the general public views American's, etc.  I loved getting to listen to all of these things.

Our get-together was at a lake, as it usually is with my family (on both sides).  I got to experience real tubing--it was a BLAST!  We went to fast!  I held on for dear life and braced myself--today, my entire body is sore.  Isabella went with me the first time, she kept wanting to go faster--the brave little soul.  Max went with me the second time, he enjoyed tubing in a more leisurely sense, which was exactly my pace too.  As we were bringing the boat to shore, Max looks over at me and says "did you have a fun time?"  With a gigantic smile on my face I answered "Yes, Oh my God, I had so much fun.  But, that first run was a little scary!"  He replies "I know!!  I could hear you screaming all the way from the front of the boat."  

Love Always,

cupcakes and sprinkles

Dearest friends,

I love being home.  I adore everything about it.  The smell of my parents house--inviting and welcoming.  The sight of the enormous crabapple trees symmetrically on each side of my parents house.... and the beautifully quaint village I pass through that welcomes me there.  My soul sighs I love this place as I take each bend in the road on my way there.


Yesterday, mom and I frosted cupcakes together in preparation for a dinner with my grandfather and Anne.  It was such fun girl time.  My mom makes the BEST homemade frosting, you can't help allowing each finger to take a turn sneaking a bit to lick out of the bowl =).  We took turns using her fancy icing swirl and shaking pink and orange sprinkles on top. 


Frosting cupcakes with my mom is a special treat that I cherish.  I love the close relationship we have, the stories we tell, the laughter, spreading icing on each other's faces.  It's such a joyful experience.  I also adore how excited, with child-like enthusiasm mom frosts these cupcakes--and especially the little white doily she creatively places the finished cupcake into.  What a lovely prelude to a wonderful evening with family...

Later, dad grilled shish kabobs.  We sat around and visited--catching up and relaxing.   I love being surrounded by family, like being wrapped up in the warmest blankets in the wintertime, or eating comfort food.  My family is one of my greatest blessings.


Love Always,

home is where the heart is

Darling friends,

I'm home visiting my parents today!  My grandfather is coming up for a family celebration. When I arrived home, mom and I started making dinner.  In the eggplant, I was cutting up for the shish kabobs, there were a bunch of heart shapes made from the seeds!  This made me joyful!

Have a fabulous day!!

Love Always,

a letter to uganda

Dear friends,


Often in life we do things that help others: opening a door, smiling at someone, giving someone a hand with something, having a positive attitude in a bad situation (which happens to be my favorite).  Just as often we do things without ever knowing the impact of our actions--even sometimes the tiniest of acts can have the largest of impacts.  This is why it is with the utmost importance that we go through our days with joy at helping others through their life journey.  


One thing that I love participating in is child sponsorship through World Vision.
I sponsor four girls from all over the world:  Marcela from Chile, Riselda from Albania, Maria from Brazil and my latest sponsorship is Sawiya from Uganda.  


One of the greatest things about Sawiya is that Uganda allows packages, none of my other girls are able to receive anything larger than an envelope.  In the six years I've sponsored, I have only been able to write letters and put a sleeve of stickers or two in with my notes.  Sawiya is the first one I have been able to mail items to.  The day I sponsored her, which was the weekend before my sister's wedding, I drove to Target and bought a whole bunch of cute little girlie things to send her way.  I was overjoyed at buying these things for her, it boosted my spirits.  


In the box I placed:  two shirts, the one pictured here, and a yellow t-shirt with sequence on the shoulders, the hot pink skirt, a plaid dress, slippers, orange and pink flower bracelet, a package of underwear, two sets of flower stickers and a letter introducing myself to Sawiya as her sister in this life.




I finally was able to mail this package to Sawiya as well as a letter to Marcela (my first sponsor child) today!  I wish I could see her face when she opens them!  I hope it is "drenched with luminescence."  


Love Always,

a little bing of organization!!!

Dearest Friends,


Allow me to begin by saying that I had the most fabulous time visiting my cousin, Sarah in the town where she attends her medical rotations.

After our Wegman's visit, Sarah and I decided to listen to music and dance around her apartment for awhile while she (I was already in the only outfit I brought) got ready to go out for dinner.  We ended up going to this authentic Italian restaurant that made their own homemade everything including the pasta!!! It was delicious.  


On our way home, we had to drive through areas of town that were not very nice looking.  One of Sarah's medical peers says "and this would be the interesting part of town," as though part of a tour all of our heads turn to look outside the windows of Sarah's minivan to marvel at the dilapidated buildings around us.  Not five seconds after this revelation I hear the door locks click down, and we all burst into laughter.  This was one of the funniest parts of the night, for me.   


Needless to say, we did not have ice cream for dinner like I had recommended! lol

One of the things Sarah and I always do when we are together is run errands.  I got a dry-erase calendar to hang in my kitchen and I bought dry-erase markers to compliment this purchase!!! I was so excited to change colors and decorate my new board.  My old calendar I made on snapfish in December, and needed to go.  I needed a fresh calendar to compliment my new outlook on myself and on my life.  This was the perfect solution!!


One of my favorite things about this visit was watching Family Guy Star Wars--because Star Wars is my absolute FAVORITE movie EVER!!! And chatting it up with all the med students and residents.  


This weekend, I learned that I am a huge nerd, and I love that about myself.


Love Always,

some bing bling

Dearest friends,


I woke up early this morning to the loud, obnoxious revving of my neighbor's motorcycle.  Having had to endure this horrific sound many Saturday mornings past, I will never own one of these!!!!  Sorry to all of you men out there who like cycles and want to marry me ;)

Last night, I was on skype (awesome program) with my cousin, Sarah who is a medical student a couple hours west of me.  We were talking about our plans for the weekend, and I decided that if I felt like it the next morning I would drive to visit her.  Well, after waking up to the motorcycle, I drove to the gym that was randomly closed at 9:00 a.m. (they are supposed to be open at 7?!?) and decided this was a sign that I was destined to visit Sarah today.  I drove home to shower and leave for her town.  I arrived two and 1/2 hours later as Sarah came in from her intense run up the long hill.

SARAH WOULD LIKE ME TO ADD: "I look like I'm going to die [in the pictures].  There is still make up under my eyes because I was sweating." (she laughs hysterically in little bursts) "Oh my God my laugh," she says and then I run to the sink to spit out my diet Coke because I almost choke... this is as she's telling me to write this addition.  


I am blogging from her adorable living room that I've only ever seen in the background of her skype screen!  But, because of beautiful technology I feel as though I've been here before.  


Since arriving here, I ventured into Wegmans and was able to experience the AMAZINGNESS that is this place!!! No wonder all of my friends who went to college out here miss Wegmans.  It is truly marketing genius.  Sarah and I grocery shopped and then sat in their dining (yes, dining) area to eat lunch.  And their sandwiches are soooooo delicious! I recommended we have ice cream for dinner, so perhaps we will be doing that!  =)  

I plan to be back in my town by 11:30 p.m.  We shall see . . . 


Enjoy the day, xo
Love Always,

a city's lingo

Dear friends,


I am on the 33rd bead.  And I would like to stress again, that if you have not read this book, you NEED to.


Liz talks about how she loves Rome, but she knows it is a city in which she would never spend the rest of her life. Her friend Giulio explains that she and Rome have different words.  The he goes on to explain that "'every city has a single word that defines it, that identifies most people who live there.  If you could read people's thoughts as they were passing you on the streets of any given place, you would discover that most of them are thinking the same thought.  Whatever that majority thought might be--that is the word of the city.  And if your personal word does not match the word of the city, then you don't really belong there.'
'What's Rome's word?' I ask. 
'Sex,' he announced.
'But surely there are some people in Rome thinking about other things than sex?'
Guilio insisted: 'No.  all of them, all day, all they are thinking about is sex.'

Now if you are to believe Giulio, that little word--sex--cobbles the streets beneath your feet in Rome, runs through the fountains here, fills the air like traffic noise.   Thinking about it, dressing for it, seeking it, considering it, refusing it, making a sport and game out of it--that's all anybody is doing.  Which would make a bit of sense as to why, for all its gorgeousness, Rome doesn't quite feel like my hometown.


This started me thinking about my hometown, which for the sake of my own privacy we'll call Atown.  I absolutely love, with my whole entire being my hometown.  I feel like Atown and I share the same word, thought I'm not 100% sure what that might be--romanticism perhaps.  Walking down the streets of Atown one feels like they have entered a painting, with old fashioned wrought iron streetlights, long well-kept sidewalks, people stopping to say hello and comment on the beauty of the day.  I love this town.


I told my mom once, that when I come home, I'm driving down the long hilly path by the orchard, and I look at the breathtaking mountains--my soul, it almost audibly sighs.  Home.  I'm home it says to my heart.  This is perhaps why my current city has never felt like my hometown--we don't share words.  And, maybe Atown takes up all the space in my heart.


Love Always,

crossing the shadow of the sword

Darling friends,


I am trying to go super slow so I can savor every second of this delicious novel.  I have managed only to allow myself to read ten pages in two days.  It helps that I've had lots to do, so I've had minimal time for reading.  

In her thirtieth bead (chapter) Liz talks about how her sister comes to visit her in Italy.  She writes about some of the things she was thinking in terms of the way her life and the life of her sister flowed in different ways.  She says "I am so surprised sometimes to notice that my sister is a wife and mother, and I am not.  Somehow I always thought it would be the opposite... we grew up into different adults than anyone might have foretold when we were children."

I loved this part because this past week in my Columbia writing institute class I wrote, in my writer's notebook, and then drafted onto yellow paper the astonishing thoughts of the way my sister's and my life have flowed and ebbed differently too.  I realized at some level, I have always been competing with my sister.  I was also first at all things because I was the oldest, so I was used to having the upper hand.  I was the first to be born.  I was the first to go to school, so I showed my siblings the ropes.  I was the first to learn, so I taught.  I was the first to be allowed to shave my legs, so my cousins and sister used to enviously watch.  I was the first to get my driver's license, so I was the cool older sis with the ability to drive places.   The only thing I was not first in was marriage.  At first, I didn't think this bothered me.  I love my sister, naturally, and I love her husband, he is everything I could ever want for my sister.  And I am so happy for them.  But, people started asking me insensitively and curiously "does it bother you that your baby sister beat you to it?"  And other variants of the same question.  "No, no of course not," I would respond on auto-pilot.  Deep down though, it did.  In the past week, I realized that the "deep down" feeling I was grappling with was jealousy.  Writing, as it always is, was therapeutic in the sense that it gave me closure to this feeling.  As I no longer care that I wasn't first.  I no longer care if it never happens for me at all.  


Liz wrote once that she used to look like her men like some people look like their dogs.  This would happen because she would change herself in her relationships to fit the projected needs of her partner.  She came to terms with this.  I think I'm battling some kind of a similar illness... hence this project of self-discovery.  

Liz also talks about Virginia Woolf, a modernist woman for her times.  Liz quotes Woolf in her book: "'Across the broad continent of a woman's life falls the shadow of a sword.'  On the one side, she said, there lies convention and tradition and order, where 'all is correct.' But on the other side of that sword, if you are crazy enough to cross it and choose a life that does not follow convention, 'all is confusion.  Nothing follows a regular course.'  Her argument was that the crossing of the shadow of that sword may bring a far more interesting existence to a woman, but you can bet it will be more perilous."


That's the feeling in my soul pushing me into spontaneity and adventure.  There is a piece of this sword in each of our spirits, the one that Peter Pan chose, I can imagine.  The one that screws any thoughts about life but your own.  


I choose to cross the sword!! I have come to understand that I would rather be alone than married to the wrong person.  That a relationship will never define me.  That bringing children into an unhappy marriage, that marrying for the sake of getting married would be just as irresponsible as quitting my secure job and traveling the world ten times over with no money.  Some irresponsibility's are just accepted by society more than others. 

I choose a different life.  A unique life... one like no other!  So, be prepared sword, be prepared to be wowed, then crossed!!

Love Always,

a birthday challenge

. . . oh, which way to go. . . life, oh beautiful life, where do you lead?!

     

I begin this new blog on the day of my birth.  The challenge is that for the next year, my 27th, I will write a journal of life.  At the end of the year, on the 2nd of July 2011, I will have a better appreciation for the life I lead and the choices I make.  I also think it a great way to document my teaching anecdotes that don't always make it to paper.

So, hellooooo 27... while I do not welcome you with open arms, or a warm heart, I challenge you. 

My Darling Friends,

     Being three years shy of thirty is no laughing matter, in fact, at closer examination it's scarier than hell.  I wonder how hard I will internally fight for the clock to slow it's ticking, as I get closer and closer to that dreaded age.  I stopped anxiously anticipating my birthday at the age of 21, though my inner child jumps for joy at the month of July willing me to be excited.  

      I have recently come to believe that your spirit stops aging. Mine stopped at seventeen.  I have felt my physical age move separately, since that year, as every new year has passed.  I am reminded often at the difference.  When I see the first firefly of summer burst into it's fabulous light and dance into the woods my heart leaps with effervescent joy!  Oh, summer!  I love you!  My favorite!  I am thankful for the age of my soul, but worry about how the difference between my spirit age and physical age will effect me when the gap is no longer ten years, but much much larger.  

     Though part of me aches to be a child again, I am curious to discover the wonders of the world, and what I have to offer life this next year... so, doesn't that in part make me a child of learning/life/discovery/adventure.  

    I welcome this new year with all of it's fun adventures--with family, friends, people who I love dearly.  A birthday is just a celebration of one year wiser, the beginning of a new entourage of discoveries =)  welcome new year, welcome!!!

Love Always,